I want to die.
May, 2013
I don’t feel a need to live anymore. Sunday I had a mental breakdown and I was beyond suicidal ready to die. I cried for two hours until I managed to calm down.
I’ve cut every day since then. I don’t even care where I cut anymore, but before I’d never go across the vein, now I cut wherever there’s skin, wherever I can feel the pain.
I stopped trying in school. I can’t think anymore so I don’t do homework and I don’t listen in class. I just keep my head down the whole period and shut my eyes real tight hoping that things will get better and the thoughts will fade but it only gets worse.
I’m always alone. My parents expect me to get better with pills and therapists while they go off doing their own things. They tell me there’s only one of me but they don’t treat me like that. They pressure me about my grades and it’s getting so hard to focus about school no matter how hard I try. I’ll never be good enough for them or for anybody else. I’m tired of disappointing them all the time. Everything I do and choose is wrong. No matter how hard I try to be strong I.break.
I can’t feel anymore. Half the time I’m so numb, my friends don’t talk to me as much and two out of four of them are leaving in two weeks. I’m still picked on and bullied. It hurts so much. Even Friday I broke down crying in Multimedia for an hour. I’m breaking so bad I can’t function right.
I can’t think for myself or feel the good. I can’t sleep at night because all I do is toss and turn and constantly wake up. I just want to die. I want to die. I want to die.
I’m seriously thinking of going to a hospital. The urge to kill myself grows with every passing day and things just keep getting worse and worse.
I dont know. I need someone to help me decide. Should I go? Can somebody like this if they think I should? I’m really scared.
Tumblr was on the news this morning. They said that Tumblr is a bad place because it ‘promotes self harm’ they said because of the whole thigh gap thing going on. They said that Tumblr only has skinny, almost anorexic girls. Please, we’re all obsessed with bands, food, porn, and gay fictional couples.
everyone fucking reblog this
forever reblog
Clearly they don’t have a tumblr.
(via leadmepastthelight)
